Spoilsports In Chief, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents released a statement in May of this year to do with safety around the barbeque. It states that, last year one thousand eight hundred people needed treatment at the local A&E department because of mishaps involving a bbq. But I am having trouble making sense of the figures.
For instance, it says that eight hundred were down to to a scald or burn, 200 had managed to cut themselves in some way. And what, you might ask, of the other 800 people? Alas, despite the large numbers there is no information. What they did to themselves and how doesn't seem worth recording.
Here's another. Of the 1800, one thousand four hundred had occurred at home, and the other three hundred in a public place. Do you see something? The outstanding one hundred must have been hurt in a remote dimension where nothing is either private or public but everyone gets together for a barbeque and once in a while someone gets hurt and they are required to take a trip to Earth for treatment. Do they have such things as a Weber bbq in this magical place or do they make their own? I'd like to know.
Actually I think what happens here is that many of the accidents are treated and the word 'barbeque' is used in the context of "we were having a bbq round the Weber and as I went to get the mustard from the fridge, went over the dog lying in the living room and got a biff on the head as I fell against the wall. Is this a barbeque accident? No, more of a pet accident I would suggest, and I bet RoSPA gleefully carve a notch in the log to do with bbq, Weber bbq, pets, and probably alcohol just in case. One accident, four reports.
This is also the case with traffic accidents involving alcohol. If a bus carrying fifty passengers brakes hard because a drunk swerves into the road in front of it and somebody biffs their head on the seat in front and needs treatment, the official record will be 52 people involved in an alcohol related road incident. (The other one os the driver)
RoSPA have suggested a number of guidelines to follow to help avoid unpleasantness such as not starting a barbeque in an enclosed space. This is great but what is this 'enclosed space'. A small patio with a fence round it is an 'enclosed space' (so is a large patio with a fence come to that) but surely this is an appropriate location? Another one suggests never pouring petrol, meths or accelerants on a barbeque. This is rubbish. They don't mean never, what they mean is when it's already alight. If you're using a coal burning Weber bbq for example, you may require something to get it going to start with and these will normally involve an accelerant of some kindsort. I do agree that petrol is a bit extreme but meths? Another suggestion is that you don't start a bbq underneath a tree as they "have been known to catch fire". Well, cheers for that, I lived in Canberra during January 2003 when the bush fires raged and destroyed some of the outer suburbs. I know trees can burn a bit, what with being made of wood and all!
However, joking aside, RoSPA do fine and heroic work, though I reckon most of it is probably fairly non-taxing when it comes to dreaming up guidelines, but as long as there is a shortage of commonsense the temptation to tut and wag fingers will always remain.
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